Fic: Over And Over (White Collar)
Jan. 25th, 2011 12:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lostandalone22Title: Over and Over
Prompt: Time Loops for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
angst_bingo
Fandom/Pairing: White Collar, Neal
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: spoilers up to 2X1
Summary: It was like a film, crystal clear and on a constant loop.
The weeks after the explosion, after Neal had been arrested, booked, and locked back into the cell that he had spent nearly four years in, were the worst of his life. He had been through some horrible things, been in some tight spots with no hope of getting out, but seeing that plane explode had been the worst. Knowing that Kate had been on that plane, was now dead, body charred beyond recognition, and there was nothing he could do about it ate at him.
The first few days, he was numb. He didn't flinch as they took him back to prison, didn't really process when Peter was telling him that they'd figure out a way to get him out again, and was in a fog. When the guard closed the door locking him in his cell, Neal had laid down on the bed, the hard bed with the paper thin pillow, and had slept. He woke up to the rattling of a night stick along the bars, a voice telling him that he had to eat this time. The disembodied voice told him that he had been sleeping for over a day and the clank of the door opening broke the relative silence and a tray was set next to him on the desk. He tried closing his eyes again and rolling back over to sleep, but the night stick poked him and he moved to eat.
It was after waking that the nightmares began. He knew he should be interested in getting out, knew he should be interested in catching who did this, knew he should care about what was happening in his life, but he couldn't. It was like a film, crystal clear and on a constant loop. He turned back to Peter, heard the explosion, and felt the heat on his back. Every time, he couldn't get to her. The situation played itself out over and over again, and he was never able to get to her in time. He couldn't warn her. He couldn't move closer to the plane so that he might have been injured worse or died with her. He couldn't get Peter to let him go. It was just the same scene over and over.
He was aware of Peter coming to visit, telling him of everything that was being done on the FBI's end. Peter told him about being reinstated in the FBI and there were flames between him and the other man. A roaring boom that made it impossible for Neal to focus on the specifics of what Peter was telling him. Peter wanted to get him out, give him the same deal as he had before, but Neal preferred this purgatory to what lay outside. At least in here, he could keep trying to change the outcome. Peter's voice telling him it was a good deal, heat on his back. He felt angry at them, felt like he shouldn't have to have the anklet put back on. Turning around and seeing the plane on fire. They couldn't protect Kate; why should he think they could protect him.
Mozzie was there, as his lawyer of course, and Neal tried to listen to him. His voice was always more insistent than Peter's. He demanded attention. The sound of their voices talking, hallow in the airport hanger. Kate's face, so close yet so far away, beckoning to him. The smaller man tried getting Neal to look at him, but Neal was somewhere else. He told Neal to take the Suit's offer. Looking back, heat on his back. His friend touched his hand, and it was the first real contact that he had since the guard's night stick.
“Look, you can't find Kate's killer sitting behind bars, and he's still out there.” Mozzie broke through.
Prompt: Time Loops for
angst_bingoFandom/Pairing: White Collar, Neal
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: spoilers up to 2X1
Summary: It was like a film, crystal clear and on a constant loop.
The weeks after the explosion, after Neal had been arrested, booked, and locked back into the cell that he had spent nearly four years in, were the worst of his life. He had been through some horrible things, been in some tight spots with no hope of getting out, but seeing that plane explode had been the worst. Knowing that Kate had been on that plane, was now dead, body charred beyond recognition, and there was nothing he could do about it ate at him.
The first few days, he was numb. He didn't flinch as they took him back to prison, didn't really process when Peter was telling him that they'd figure out a way to get him out again, and was in a fog. When the guard closed the door locking him in his cell, Neal had laid down on the bed, the hard bed with the paper thin pillow, and had slept. He woke up to the rattling of a night stick along the bars, a voice telling him that he had to eat this time. The disembodied voice told him that he had been sleeping for over a day and the clank of the door opening broke the relative silence and a tray was set next to him on the desk. He tried closing his eyes again and rolling back over to sleep, but the night stick poked him and he moved to eat.
It was after waking that the nightmares began. He knew he should be interested in getting out, knew he should be interested in catching who did this, knew he should care about what was happening in his life, but he couldn't. It was like a film, crystal clear and on a constant loop. He turned back to Peter, heard the explosion, and felt the heat on his back. Every time, he couldn't get to her. The situation played itself out over and over again, and he was never able to get to her in time. He couldn't warn her. He couldn't move closer to the plane so that he might have been injured worse or died with her. He couldn't get Peter to let him go. It was just the same scene over and over.
He was aware of Peter coming to visit, telling him of everything that was being done on the FBI's end. Peter told him about being reinstated in the FBI and there were flames between him and the other man. A roaring boom that made it impossible for Neal to focus on the specifics of what Peter was telling him. Peter wanted to get him out, give him the same deal as he had before, but Neal preferred this purgatory to what lay outside. At least in here, he could keep trying to change the outcome. Peter's voice telling him it was a good deal, heat on his back. He felt angry at them, felt like he shouldn't have to have the anklet put back on. Turning around and seeing the plane on fire. They couldn't protect Kate; why should he think they could protect him.
Mozzie was there, as his lawyer of course, and Neal tried to listen to him. His voice was always more insistent than Peter's. He demanded attention. The sound of their voices talking, hallow in the airport hanger. Kate's face, so close yet so far away, beckoning to him. The smaller man tried getting Neal to look at him, but Neal was somewhere else. He told Neal to take the Suit's offer. Looking back, heat on his back. His friend touched his hand, and it was the first real contact that he had since the guard's night stick.
“Look, you can't find Kate's killer sitting behind bars, and he's still out there.” Mozzie broke through.
